


Castle Walls

by NyxNight



Series: Shields [1]
Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-23 18:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12513492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxNight/pseuds/NyxNight
Summary: Lauren reflects on her powers and past relationships. Takes place in episode 2.





	1. Shields and Sparks

_"Everyone thinks that I have it all_  
_But it's so empty living behind these castle walls_  
_These castle walls_  
_If I should tumble if I should fall_  
_Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls_  
_There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls"_

Exhausted as they prepared for the portals to open once again, this time bringing a fight to the underground, Lauren thought back to the concern John had displayed for Clarice. When Lauren had first seen him she couldn't deny the attraction she felt for him. The first time he touched her, it lit a spark in her and for a moment she had dared to imagine the fire that would ignite, should he return those feelings; if the connection was felt on both ends but that spark and any thought of the flames was gone just as quick, seeing the way his eyes immediately hunted down Clarice and the affection he displayed towards her. Not even sparing a glance at Lauren.

To him, she was a naive, high school kid with no knowledge of the brutality and coldness of the world. She knew John wasn't alone in that assumption and it hurt her to know that her shields were too strong, too real for anyone to even glimpse the broken mess behind them. At a girl who had grown up too quickly and had lost too much. Maybe that was for the best. Andy was already going through too much with his newly awakened powers and having left behind the only life he had ever known. Her mum may look put together but Lauren saw her grief for their father, even if he isn't dead. Lauren had seen her mother's fear and confusion at this new world of mutants and running. At the world which her mother had once hated along with most of the world. Her family was too overwhelmed to have to carry her burdens too. Her pain and her past didn't need to hold them down; it would be selfish of her to tell them the truth.

For the first time in the four years since she had experienced her first tragedy, Lauren though back to her best friend, her everything. Faye. Dark, brunette hair, falling in soft curls down her back. She remembered running her fingers through those curls, gently brushing strands away from her beautiful face and warm tan skin, tucking hair behind her ears. Faye would always blush and look down while an angelic smile lit her face. Like clockwork, Lauren's gaze would fall to those gorgeous, light rose lips and the up to her bright emerald eyes, so expressive. (Eyes too similar to those of a mutant with purple hair and portal powers- the same reason why Lauren tried to avoid looking at Clarice for seeing them brought on those memories again and it always lead to pain. An ache in her chest from the empty space that she just couldn't fill). Fresh in her mind, a ghost of a joyful laugh before it was replaced by a sharp gasp and Lauren's own pleading voice, begging for her to be okay. Of course, fate would never be so kind to two mutants, separating them with the cold touch of death. That fateful night is a slow, agonising nightmare in Lauren's mind, going by like a dream. Fragments lie in her mind like glass on the floor, hurting; cutting, but never whole again. Fragments of her own anger as she his from the men who had killed Faye. She had wanted to kill them. Wanted to rip them to pieces. The only thing that had stopped her was the knowledge that Faye would never want her to become a cold-hearted killer and would never have allowed Lauren to put herself in harms way simple for revenge, especially knowing that those men had no clue of Lauren's existence. Her and Faye kept their friendship; their relationship, hidden. Only meeting up in a secluded spot in a forest they knew was rarely visited, they never took into account that someone would discover Faye's secret and track her to that spot killing her from a distance, never seeing the crying blonde that held the young mutant as she took her last breath. 

After losing Faye, Lauren had become a lot more hidden and had formed walls around her heart, knowing she couldn’t face losing anyone else. Finally having knowledge of her powers, she refused to endanger anyone by revealing her secret. Couldn’t let that burden fall on her family. Of course she had never doubted that her father would protect her if he found out the truth. He wasn’t a man who would ever abandon his family, despite his job. But recent events had shown that her keeping the fact that she was a mutant a secret had been a smart choice in the long run. All this running; leaving their life behind, it was breaking her family apart. If they’d known about her, it might have happened sooner. However, she did regret not telling Andy. From the moment she had discovered her own powers, she’d suspected he also was a mutant. If one sibling held the gene, it was common that the other would too and she had always felt something different from Andy compared to her parents and other humans. Maybe... Maybe this would never have happened if she’d told him the truth. Maybe she could have prepared him. Maybe she could have prevented the bullying and protected him... Maybe.

As the memory of Faye haunted her mind, she also remembered what came after, the long night alone crying. Being forced to pretend nothing had changed; that her world hadn’t been destroyed. It was then she learnt to shield her heart from further pain; no matter how hard she tried, all her relationships failed after that. Faces flickered through her mind. A tall, blonde jock a year after the tragedy. That ended with him swearing and calling her a cold-hearted bitch because she just couldn't say she loved him back. Next, there was a redheaded artistic girl who had told her she couldn't deal with the lack of communication anymore, she had been tired of silence. Finally, most recently had been a blue eyed, rebellious guy who had been the first to get her to open up, even if it was only a little. But like all love, it was doomed to end in tragedy. She'd caught him making out with her best friend and needless to say, that ended her attempts at romance. It was time to face the truth- she wasn't fated to find love. Life had given her a bad hand and nothing she did would change that.

 

John would probably end up with Clarice and the first spark she had felt since the fire that had been Faye was put out, would soon fade out and Lauren would go back to her castle. Hiding behind shield's and walls. How ironic that her powers were a perfect reflection of who she was but no one realised even when the evidence was laid out in front of their eyes. Maybe one day she would tell her family about Faye. Maybe one day she could let them in; break the walls down from inside. But today isn't that day and no matter how loud she screamed, not even sound could get past her shields...


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren makes a decision that renews her hope.

They had their father back along with Lorna, Marcos' girlfriend. Her father was back. They won (temporarily, they won). She knew that should have been a happy occasion and she was happy but she also couldn't get rid of the fear from temporarily losing her powers. The terror when she couldn't feel them anymore. Most mutants, even the ones who fought back, hated their powers but hers represented hope for her. They reminded her of Faye and what she had lost. With her powers, it was as if Faye was still with her, protecting her from the same fate. 

Maybe Lauren was delusional for feeling that way but it's what had gotten through this whole ordeal. The thought that Faye would have wanted her to fight back and treasure her powers. And when she lost them, it was like losing her all over again. She had felt the dreadful panic rise up through her chest when she couldn't summon her powers. That familiar warm comfort her shields gave her didn't come. 

Even while her powers finally returned, the dread and horror lingered, making her feel more alone than ever until she reminded herself that her family was back, her father was back; she wasn't alone. However, even then, the coldness wouldn't leave. Lauren felt trapped. This was the most alone she had felt since that hellos day that Faye had been taken from her.

•••••

 

For the next week after her father was returned to them, she went through the motions, a gentle smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes. But she had always been good at shielding the pain, the loneliness, the fear that she would never be as happy as she had been before she lost Faye.

There had been that brief romance, the brief ember with Wes but even that she lost quickly. Maybe, if he'd stayed that ember could have grown and lit. Maybe then she could have had her fire back. But maybe was gone. A hopeless, dead end path. And Wes' ember was small compared to John's spark and brief flames. A speck of dust next to what had been Faye.

Over those days, she had seen that despite John's feelings for Clarisse seeming to be more brotherly, it was clear he barely even noticed her, much less felt the same way. She'd finally felt something real and strong since Faye and it was a hopeless dream that would never be real. 

As she sat outside in her musings, Andy joined her on the steps. They shared a small smile and Lauren was reminded that she wasn't entirely alone. She had a family and that was enough. Faye and the truth about how she had discovered her powers had been a tightly kept secret for years but maybe now it was time at least her brother knew. If she kept the truth hidden much longer, it would destroy her from the inside. 

"Hey, what's going on?" His words sparked the decision to reveal the truth to him. Andy cared and had always shared his own secrets; told her his feelings. Her brother had been willing to listen this whole time, if only she had the courage the speak.

"There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have said a long time ago and I'm sorry I'm only telling you now. It's about how I discovered my powers but you have to promise not to tell Mum and Dad. They've already got enough on their plate; they don't need this too. It can wait until things have calmed down more, if they ever do that is." Andy stared at her in bewilderment and worry. 

"Lauren whatever this is, you can tell me. I promise not to tell Mum and Dad." She looked down as she started speaking, the words flowing out like a river that's been blocked for too long. Despite her nerves, the story slipped from her lips naturally and effortlessly. As she spoke, Andy absorbed his sister's words and couldn't help the sympathy he felt for the pain Lauren had been through. The slight anger that she had never told him even a small thing about Faye. The happiness and warmth that she trusted him with this and finally revealed what had been causing her so much pain. Of course he had noticed but he knew she would tell him when she was ready and now she was. 

Lauren, for the most part was happy. Maybe, if she could tell Andy what had happened to her to trigger her powers, she could also find it in her to find love again. Maybe that spark she feels for John isn't so hopeless after all and could possibly lead to something if she just tries to connect with him, initiate conversations herself. This one act had renewed her hope for love and for a better future. For the happiness she had lost with Faye.


End file.
